Parents as Leaders - How to Make it Work?

In the first post, we discussed why we need to recruit parents.  Today, I want to talk about how we do it.

One of the big things to recognize is that you need an open ministry.  We need to have ministries that are always open to parents, and encourage them to come, see, and be involved.  We can only support what they are doing in the faith formation of their kids.  They need to see and experience first hand what is going on in our ministries.  This doesn't mean that every parent should be a small group leader, or a teacher.  But they should be welcome at some level.

The challenge is to prayerfully figure out where.  Some parents are great leaders.  They don't need to be crazy, or loud, or even extroverts.  One of my very best small group leaders is a guy who is a quiet, introverted, financial accountant.  He is amazing with his guys.  He is consistent, he loves them deeply, and he listens so well.  They think he's great!  I do to.  My point is God uses all of us, regardless of age, personality, or gift mix.  Find the right role for the right people, and your ministry will flourish.

Setting guidelines for parents as leaders is crucial as well.  One rule we have is that a parent can't be the group leader for their own kid.  This gives the student a place to be without worrying about what their mom or dad think about them.  Everyone needs a voice outside of their family to speak truth into them.  It also lets the parents interact with students who give them a fair chance, which sometimes their own children may not do.  It's a win-win.

We don't let parents be parents at group.  What I mean is, we are clear in our expectation that they are there to work with other kids, not monitor their own.  If they cross this line, I speak to them about it.  If the students cross this line, I'll speak with them.  Obviously everyone in the group knows which leader is which student's parents.  But we expect them to deal with their family issues outside of youth group, and we make that abundantly clear.

It often takes quite a while to recruit parents into the ministry.  Usually it takes me 7 - 8 discussions with them before they will seriously consider it.  Once they decide they might be interested, I always go to their children and discuss it with them.  I'll talk with everyone about what their fears are, I'll explain what the benefits are for everyone, and then encourage them to give it a try.  The students always have a veto power in the deal.  I won't force a student to let their parents serve.  Sometimes they are reluctant, but we are batting 100% so far, as far as students getting comfortable with their parents around.

I really believe if you put in a place a plan on who to recruit, how to recruit, and how to monitor the relationships, parents are some of the very best leaders we can find.  The only ones better are grandparents.  Yeah, I said it.  Grandparents are the very, very best youth leaders around.  But that's another discussion.

Let me know what you think, and if you have specific questions on how to make this all work, let me know.  I'd love to help.

Parents as Leaders - Why Take the Chance?

After having been at the whole youth ministry thing for a while, I've realized a couple of really, really stupid beliefs I had earlier in my ministry.  One of the BIG ones was the idea that parent's make poor youth group leaders.  Here's how my thoughts kind of rolled:

1. They will parent their kids instead of being a leader.
2. No student will want their parent involved.
3. If kids see other parents in the group, they won't want to come.
4. Parents are too old, and don't have enough energy, cool factor, etc.
5. Parents are out of touch, and won't be able to relate to the students.
6. Parents will try to take over, and cause me a lot of grief.

You get the idea...

But slowly, God opened my eyes to a few things that I had wrong.  To begin with, most of the REAL argument going on inside of me was fear.  I felt inadequate to lead parents.  I was okay with other leaders my age, but parents?  Come on.  Why would they follow me?  And I was afraid they would see through my show.  I wasn't as well trained as I had hoped to be, and I knew far too little sometimes.  I would get embarrassed and be afraid to ask for help, because I was convinced no one would follow me after that.  So, I kept parents out due to fear, in large part.

Then, in my late 20's, I had some great parents volunteer.  I'm not sure why, it wasn't because of my great leadership.  They just wanted to serve teenagers.  So they began helping.  And I began growing.

Over the last 10 years (or more....sigh.....) here are some reasons I have found for involving parents:

1. They know students and students culture.  They are living it 24/7.  They know what is going on.
2. They are on the students schedules.  They are already at the band concerts, baseball games, and awards ceremonies.  They are involved in the schools.  They are in the student's worlds.
3. They have a passion for this generation.  They are HEAVILY invested in this group of students.
4. They know the kids.  Many of them have been coaching little league baseball and hosting birthday parties for these students for 10 years or more.  They know this group of kids.
5. They know the families.  It's so tough to get into a families life when only a student comes to youth group.  But my parents know the other parents, and are naturals at ministering to these families.

It's a win, for the most part.  It really is.  Tomorrow, I'll talk about who to recruit, and how to help them win with their own kids in the ministry.

How to Encourage Parents

When I'm speaking to parents, one of the things I have learned over the years is to always, always remind them of what they are doing right.  The power of telling a mom, dad, or grandma that they are doing a good job is amazing.  Even when a parent is struggling, or when they are not teaching Biblical values intentionally, I try to find a way to tell them what I see good in their kid, and encourage them in that area.

One, it helps them remember that they aren't failing.  Every parent is convinced they are failing in some part of their teens life.  It's inevitable.  Even your "great" families feel like they are blowing it somewhere.  I often do as a parent, and have always found that others struggle there as well.

Two, it points them to Jesus.  It's a great way to say "Hey, you are doing such a good job of teaching honesty in your son.  It shows in how he talks to all of us around here at the youth group.  It really models Jesus for him when you do that.  Great job!"

Three, it shows you are on their side and you care.  Parent's deal with so much of culture undermining them, and to have a youth pastor on their side, even if they don't necessarily follow Christ, is huge.  When we encourage them, it shows we know their kid, care about them, and care about the family.

Four, it's fun.  Giving encouragement is speaking God's words into someones life.  The more you do it, the more fun it becomes.  Sometimes, it's a bit of a game trying to find what to encourage.  You know the kids I'm talking about.  But, it's always there.  Always.

Don't underestimate the power of your words in a parent's life.