Broken, Beat Down, Exhausted, But Open Handed

Yesterday was one of the hardest days I've had for a long time.  It started badly, with a hundred little problems at the house, from a flooding basement to stress with our kids, a headache that wouldn't leave, realizing I had messed up on our ministry calendar that I had just mass printed, and a bunch of other junk like that.  All of that was in the first hour I was awake.

But then, once I got done with being drenched in the torrential downpours we were having (it was so bad I had to change raincoats, because my first waterproof coat got soaked!), I finally made it to work.  Then things got even tougher.  A ministry situation came up that completely caught me off guard.  After a couple of decades of ministry, I kind of think I've seen pretty much some version of all I'm going to see.  This one was a new one.  I won't go into details, but it completely caught me off guard and left me reeling for several hours. 

I was beat up physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  I honestly found myself wanting to go to bed at one in the afternoon.  No, really, I'm not just saying that.  I was spent halfway through the day.  But it wasn't a normal day, it was going to be one of those "extended into the night" times of ministry.  I was in trouble.

Have you been there?  Beat up, spit out, and pushed down by everything around you?  It completely stinks. 

Here is what I have learned on handling those days.  The first thing I did was asked some other people to pray with and for me.  I have a church staff around me, so I pulled in a couple of guys, gave them the minimum details, and asked them to pray.  They did.  They also gave me some great resources.  I texted some core friends and asked for prayer.  Not all of my close friends, just some.  I simply didn't have time to text everyone.  I prayed.  Desperate, angry, confused, hurt prayers poured out of me.  It wasn't a picture perfect, me on my knees by the window, hands clasped kind of thing.  It was more like my head down on my desk, begging God for help.  I am not a natural prayer warrior.  I'm a doer.  BUT, I have learned that I can't make it in those times until I pray.

Secondly, I remembered that it is not my problem to fix.  It's God situation.  I'm not in charge, or responsible.  I am one tool that He is using on that day, in a tool box full and overflowing.  God never lacks in resources.  I am just one.  When I remind myself that I am not the savior, or the answer, it brings the anxiety and blood pressure back down.  It also encourages me to pray more, which is what I need to be doing.

Third, I took action with what I could.  I didn't set around and stew on things.  After begging God for wisdom, and getting really centered on the fact that He is in charge, I did what action steps I could.  I made calls, rounded up help, etc.

Then I prayed some more.

Listen, you got into ministry because you want to help people know God and love Him more.  That is beautiful.  But hear me on this, you are NOT anyone's savior.  You're not.  Period.  Don't let that thought run amok in your head and heart.  God is God, you're not.  The job's taken.  When things crash hard, don't grab them tightly.  Open your hands and heart to God, and prayerfully, faithfully, play your part.  But only that.

When I finished my last meeting and finally headed home, the situation had opened up more, and things were not looking better.  But my heart was light, and I actually had joy.  Not because the situation was better.  It's not.  But because God had answered multiple prayers, and as I obeyed and listened, He gave me the gift of joy in spite of my circumstances.  I went home knowing He is in control, and He loves everyone in the situation.

What are you facing that is overwhelming?  How will you respond today?